Signs of an Abuser


At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love

Controlling Behavior

Controlling behavior is often disguised or excused as concern

Quick Involvement

Many victims of abuse dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. 

Unrealistic Expectations

The abuser may expect the victim to be the perfect husband, wife, mother, father, lover, and friend. He/she is very dependent on the victim for all his/her needs, and may tell the victim he/she can fulfill all their needs as lover, friend, and companion.  


The abuser may try to curtail the victim’s social interaction and may prevent her from going to work or class or being with friends and family.

Blame-Shifting for Problems

Very rarely will an abusive personality accept responsibility for any negative situation or problem.

Verbal Abuse

In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, either in public or in private, this can include degrading remarks or running down any accomplishments.

Any Force During an Argument

An abuser may physically restrain the victim from leaving the room, lash out at the victim with his/her hand or another object, pin the victim against a wall or shout 'right in her face.'